Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
