im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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