Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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