Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
