is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
