I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
