I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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