Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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