I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
