we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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