If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Floor bacon is actually really good
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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