Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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