Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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