I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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