Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
