i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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