It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
