last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
