I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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