the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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