Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
