im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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