Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
