If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
