Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
