$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I will die if light touches me.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
im on a boat
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