you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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