this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You ate ashes out of my bong
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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