oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
never play flip cup with pint glasses
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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