I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
