Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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