Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
