i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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