If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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