Kiss
Puke
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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