Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
They have beer where we have blood.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
