what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
