Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
