I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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