I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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