New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Randomize
