How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
