"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
