you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
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