Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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