We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
