# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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