You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
