Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
