Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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