He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
