I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
