Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
